The Cake is a LIE
An Editorial by Ian Gibson

	With this year's holiday season comes delicious dishes, from honey glazed ham to sweet 
cranberry sauce to creamy mashed potatoes. Yet hidden within this culinary delight lies an 
impostor, a dessert masquerading under false pretenses, eager to strike any gullible victim. My 
friends, it is time for the truth to be revealed – cheesecake is not a cake.
	For too long has this dairy delight lurked amidst the holiday desserts, portraying itself 
under a name that tells a lie worse than Bill's impeachable perjury. Cheesecake, that sultry dish 
of which a single slice will send anyone to cheesy heaven, is not a cake. Nowhere within does it 
contain the soft consistency and subtle moistness of well established desserts such as sponge 
cake, pound cake, or birthday cake. Instead, cheesecake possesses too many qualities attributed 
to a different dessert category, so much so that it can be technically called only one thing – a pie.
	This elaborate cheesecake conspiracy is further confirmed through proper definitions of 
“cake” and “pie”. According to the reliable Merriam-Webster dictionary, cake is defined as “a 
bread-like food made from a dough or batter that is usually fried or baked.” The same 
establishment defines pie as “a dessert consisting of a filling (as of fruit or custard) in a pastry 
shell or topped with pastry or both.” 	Clearly, cheesecake is not of a bread-like texture. Rather, it 
is of a custard type – a clear categorical characteristic of a pie. In addition, the crust component 
of cheesecake sets it apart from all other cakes and places it too much in common with typical 
pies. There can be no further denying the fact – cheesecake is a pie.
	I am ashamed at the deception in which I too easily became a willing believer. With the 
full truth revealed, it is time for us to strike with vengeance. No longer will I spread the 
hypocrisy and illusion of supposed “cheesecake”. Henceforth, only the true name of such cheesy 
dessert shall tumble from my salivating mouth. The cake is a lie, for I eat cheesepie!