Ian Gibson
Mod 1 
3-19-07

Darwin Story

	“Dude, just do it,” Peter moaned. “I’ll give you ten bucks.”
	“I don’t know man, doesn’t that seem a little dangerous?” Tom replied.
	Peter laughed. “You pansy, I knew you wouldn’t do it.”
	“Alright dude, I’ll do it. You better give me my money – now hand me the 
umbrella!” Tom yanked the umbrella out of Peter’s hands and studied it carefully. It was 
red and white and about three feet in length – Tom was going to shove it down his throat.
	“Dude, you gotta bend your head back,” Peter said. “Trust me man, I saw it on 
TV. That’s how you do it.” Tom nodded cautiously before tilting his head back, staring 
directly at the ceiling
	Peter laughed. “Just like that man, your throat thingy hasta be straight.”
	Tom nodded slightly. He raised the umbrella until the metal tip pointed straight 
into his mouth. 
	“How much do I hafta swallow?” Tom asked.
	“The whole thing, man!” Peter replied with a laugh.
	“No way man, even those circus freaks couldn’t do that!”
	“Alright, just do like a foot or two – don’t worry, you’ll get your money.”
	The umbrella lingered in Tom’s hands for a few seconds before it began its slow 
descent. The first few inches were easy – Tom barely felt anything. As the tip began to 
pass the back of his throat he began to gag.
	“Haha!” Peter laughed obnoxiously. “Look at you gag like an idiot!” 
	Tom gave a chuckle as best he could before proceeding with the umbrella-
swallowing. Inch by inch, his esophagus bitterly accepted the unknown item. Tom was 
incredibly close to winning the bet. Unfortunately, his right hand disagreed. It was at that 
unfortunate moment that Tom’s meandering index finger accidentally pressed the release 
button on the handle of the umbrella. Metal spokes immediately sprung open, 
exponentially increasing the diameter of the object. Normally, the entire apparatus would 
deploy – but right now it was in the throat of a very stupid teenager.
	“Mmmmmph!” Tom yelled as best he could. He knew immediately what had 
happened, and tried to yank the umbrella out of his throat. Regrettably for the poor 
fellow, the foreign object didn’t come out as easily as it had gone in. The metal spokes of 
the canopy stubbornly dug into the exposed flesh, causing massive pain and irreversible 
harm. Another unfortunate side effect was Tom’s inability to breath.
	This entire dilemma simply made Peter laugh harder. As a matter of fact, it was 
the funniest thing he had ever seen, causing him to buckle over with hoots and huffahs 
for several debilitating minutes. When his senses finally returned, Peter found his friend 
dead on the floor with an umbrella handle sticking out of his mouth.