Drama II Monologues
Ian Gibson, Mod 1


Edvard Fronstein
Age 52, professional lecturer, native of Germany

	“Ach – sorry I’m late folks, the traffic on the autobahn was horrible. All those 
hooligans zipping about in their Volkswagens, blasting crappy Swedish techno. So, 
anyways, back to todays lecture topic – German American Relations in the late 20th 
Century. Now of course, a majority of this shall focus on the talking baboon the inferior 
Electoral College has placed in the White House, and his ensuing assault on national 
sovereignty with the falsetto “War on Terror”, but there is a much larger issue at hand. 
You see students; most Americans believe Germans are ready to salute the Ferher and 
march to his cause. This is simply not true! We have changed since those Commie 
bastards tarnished our homeland, having grown in sophistication beyond Kennedy’s 
pastry confession. Just look at the fine arts we have today – oh that David Hasslehoff just 
gets me going! The fact of the matter is that Chancellor Schroder’s decision to not 
support Operation Iraqi Freedom was a democratic wet dream. Germany has been 
strengthened by it’s resolve to abstain from the conflict. Americans are just little 
Eichmanns, running around in their Hummer’s with their pigskins, citing Jesus here and 
there. It’s a wonder how they beat us at all! Let us take a quick restroom break, we’ll 
resume in a moment.









Robert Folton
Age 61, Baptist minister, native of Arkansas

	Good morning and God bless everyone on this fine Sunday morning! Let us bow 
our heads and pray – you too, heathen. Oh Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, bless us with 
your graceful presence today and deliver us a healthy heaping of heavenly love. In your 
name we pray big guy, amen. I hope you all were thinking of those brave Christian 
soldiers fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq. Those boys know what’s really worth dying for 
– Christ. Corinthians chapter 4 verse 20; “And blond haired, blue eyed Jesus Christ 
gripped his M16 even tighter as he slaughtereth the vile Iraqis.” Even today those words 
just drip with significance. It’s those evil towel heads that are ruining America, along 
with those Jews and Atheists. And let us not forget the horrible events of September the 
11th, all provoked by the homosexuals and their disgusting sodomy – one’s catching, the 
others pitching, oh sweet Jesus they’ll burn in hell! Amen! We live in an age of the 
glorious George Walker Bush, who leads a new crusade back to the homeland, purging 
filth along the way. We all know in our hearts that every Arab must die by the hand of 
Christ, let us make it so! Let us not give in to the temptation of the liberal media, 
polluting our minds with the so-called truth. The good book says what is true and what 
ain’t, that’s all I need amen! The Middle East is a cradle of evil that must be smited by 
our almighty F-16s! Remember, Jesus Christ is on your side ladies and gentleman – those 
pagans ain’t got nothing on our savior! Now we have Mrs. Barbara on the organ with our 
weekly singing of Rock of Ages, God bless you all!